Monday, December 2, 2013
From my Heart - Unfortunate fall
We are rather used to the postictal state that follows and so she slept in Brendon's arms for a while (while I finished up dinner prep) and then she had a bit of crying as she had last time. I found that putting her in her cot was more comfortable for her. I think she cries out of discomfort and so lying down she can just get into a position that feels more comfortable. I would just rub her back and comfort her if she started crying again and she soon settled down. It was nice for her to just be in her own bed and soon fall asleep and have a good rest. When she woke she was fine and I had a lovely time playing with her and her blocks. I build towers for her as quickly as I can and she sees how quickly she can knock them down - laughing wonderfully every time they fall. This was just one of the many things I could be thankful for today.
It has been almost 3 months since her last seizure (just a week short) and so we praise and thank the Lord for this. It does seem her homoeopathic remedy is the right one for her and it was just unfortunate that she had the fall trigger it this time.
(NOTE: I saw her homoeopath on Tuesday and we have given her a higher potency dose of her remedy. We are hopeful and praying that this would be the last seizure she has.)
I thank the Lord for the lovely discussion I had with Rachel when we were cleaning up after dinner. I had started crying, feeling so terrible about the fact that I was not watching Asher and had not prevented her fall. It was good for us to talk about God's sovereignty and that we need to accept that He is in control of all things. There is nothing I can do now - the accident has happened - I need to accept it and carry on.
It was good for me to examine my heart and deal with the fact that accidents happen. I thought about a friend who rode over her baby with their car because a similar thing happened - there was a mis-communication on who was watching the "mobile" baby and it happened. We thank and praise the Lord that the baby was fine other than a few bruises - missing tires and the exhaust. I thought about the fact that I don't judge that mother - because I know it was not her fault. I had to tell myself to not judge myself either - as it was not my fault. It has helped me to have a deeper understanding of what it is like to be in one of those "accident" situations and it has given me a lot of sympathy and compassion for those parents who have lost their children through accidents. I can understand how guilt can just eat away at you. I thank the Lord for forgiveness in Christ and the healing and peace that He can bring to a hurting heart.
And then I am thankful for the practical things. Like the fact that the other children got to see the seizure (the previous ones had happened while they were all sleeping). I had shown them video clips of the previous ones but it's different when you see it for yourself. It was good to know that it did not stress any of them out. On the weekend I was discussing with Brendon the idea of me asking someone to watch all the children so I could go into town for shopping. I wondered about what I would do about Asher - not wanting to burden someone with the stress of knowing what to do if she had a seizure. So this was a blessing because Rachel now has first hand experience of exactly what to do and she is quite comfortable with it all and not at all stressed or anxious about it.
And then most importantly we thank God for keeping Asher safe. She does not seem to be worried at all about the fall (no stiffness or bruising) and the seizure did not last longer than her previous ones and she was not compromised at all during the seizure.
So although no one ever want accidents to happen, we can thank the Lord for all that He has taught us through this experience.