My week of waiting

CTG - Cardiotocograph

Monday 6th: Brendon got some work done this morning and then at 10 we headed to the hospital for our 12 o'clock appointment. The plan for today was to do an ECV (to turn her from breech to head down) and then induce labour. There were a few emergencies, and so we finally saw the consultant at around 2. (I was slightly intimidated when he first walked in, but his lovely West Indies accent and his kindness soon had me very relaxed with him.) To everyone's surprise, she was already head down. At first they suggested that I just head home, but the suggestion made me very emotional. The consultant was very caring and we spent some time chatting about things. The complex situation at home with Asher was a big part of it, as well as the distance we have to get to the hospital. It takes a good hour and a half to get in.
They had a few discussions and eventually the decision was made to induce now, while she is head down. They don't do things too quickly, to keep things as safe as possible, so to start with they use a balloon catheter to help open the cervix. It's much more gentle than hormones, which they felt might be too stronge as I have had a few births before. The plan is to leave that in for 24 hours and then re-assess. Unless the cervix opens really well and it falls out before then.

Monday's surprise scan - head down.

Tuesday 7th: That was done at about 5 pm on Monday, and we just stayed in the birthing suit as they were not too busy. I had a number of strong contractions overnight but at 5 am I went to the toilet and the contractions all stopped. By mid morning we had moved up to the maternity ward to wait. At about midday a different consultant came to check up on me, and to our great disappointment, we found she was breech again. So the induction was immediately stopped (and the balloon removed). They are happy to deliver a breech baby if labour happens naturally, but they will not induce a breech.

With her moving so much, she is now seen as an unstable lie. If she is in the middle of one of her turns and the waters break, it could be an emergency situation. So I just need to stay put. A similar thing happened when Asher was around 38 weeks. She was in an unstable position and so I spent the weekend in hospital. Thankfully with her, she got head down by Friday evening and stayed that way the whole weekend, so I was able to head home on the Monday. She ended up staying in for another 4 weeks (and staying head down the whole time). Something I could not even imagine this time as I have been so very tired.

There were a lot of raw emotions on Monday afternoon as I was the one not wanting to just head home to wait. I had a good long discussion with my midwife on Monday afternoon, with lots of tears and uncertainty. She encouraged me to trust my instincts and then not have any regret. By Tuesday afternoon, I had the assurance that I had made the right decision. If I had gone home on Monday, I would have seen my midwife for my appointment on Tuesday afternoon, only to discover that she was breech again and I would have ended up in hospital anyway. The Lord had given me peace, and now this extra assurance that the right decision had been made.
So Brendon headed home and I got settled.

As we didn't know how long my stay would be, Brendon got the kids fed after school and they headed in for a visit. It was nice for them to get to see where I am. It helps them feel more relaxed about it all. I also needed some more tops for the unknown days ahead, so they could bring those in for me too (as well as some frozen cheesecake slices I had at home - my evening protein rich snack that has helped with nausea the last few weeks).

Wednesday 8th: She was still breech this morning. The proposed plan was to check dilation this afternoon and if dilated enough, do ECV and break waters (the plan we had in place for Monday). They got too busy though, and so I just had the day to relax.

A photo of the CTG this evening for the children to see.
This one with no tightenings (contractions) at all.

It was a God ordained afternoon for me though as my room mate went into labour. Her husband had only finished his shift at 9am, so he had gone home to get some sleep. Long story short: I got to be her support person for 45 minutes, and she was so appreciative of the help and tips I could give her and her husband when he arrived (as intense contractions hit quite suddenly.) Later that afternoon he popped in to again share his thanks and let me know baby had been born (and I got to visit them each day till they were discharged on Saturday.)

Thursday 9th: The consultant came around this morning and felt that baby was head down again. She checked and felt I was dilated enough to break waters. So once there is space in the birthing suit they will get me down there. So I packed everything up and as soon as they moved me down, Brendon started heading in. By 11 they had scanned to confirm that her head was down. I had a line in for hormones so that they can get contractions going as soon as the waters are broken. That way the contractions help hold her down. Brendon was about half an hour away and they said they could wait, but I was happy for them to start. Unfortunately her head was too high, and there wasn't a nice little pocket of fluid above her head, so they were not able to break the waters. They suggested I walk around a bit and try get her lower. After about 2 hours I asked them to check, and as I suspected, she had moved into a transverse position. Another consultant was called to discuss options and the suggestion was that it would be safer to wait. If we tried to move her and break, she may just flip out again and then we could have a potential emergency.

So I headed back to the ward and Brendon headed home. Again. Thankfully we were able to organise a lift to dancing for  Ruth and Hannah, and because Brendon was home, Rachel drove herself to her lesson. I was also really thankful today for the Lords provision of someone to watch Asher this morning, so that Rachel could get to work. She has had to watch Asher so much this week, and I was pleased she didn't have to miss out on earning some money.

Friday 10th:  Thankfully she felt head down by Thursday night and she seemed to stay head down through the day on Friday. I am so very thankful to be in a country where they are not in a rush, and want to encourage natural birth as much as possible.

When I had the CTG on Friday evening it picked up that I was having very strong tightenings  every 10 minutes. It made them a bit nervous on the ward, as they really didn't want me going into labour with her unstable, so I headed down to the birthing floor to play it safe. They did a scan and confirmed that she was head down, and kept me there for the night. In the mornings hey did a quick scan again and although head down, she was higher. An hour or so later the consultant came to chat about things (she was wondering again about possibly checking if we could break waters) and on checking she was totally transverse again (after almost two days of staying head down.)  So all proposed plans where again out the window and as the tightenings had calmed down, I went back to the ward. Now into my third room. :-)

Saturday 11th: After lunch Brendon brought the children for a visit. I had spoken to them on the phone in the morning and Hezekiah had said he was looking forward to visiting again. I suggested to Brendon that he take them to the museum after the visit and when Hannah heard that she was bouncing all the walls in excitement. She does love going to the museum.

They had a nice visit here and then thankfully had a decent time at the meuseum before Asher had a seizure at 4pm. She had one on Friday around midday, but that has been the only two this week. So I'm really grateful she has had a good week.

Sunday 12th: I had a nice quiet and restful sleep on Saturday night and then just focused on using my time here to continue to relax and recharge. Other than Monday and Friday nights, I have been sleeping so very well, and it has done me the world of good. This week has helped my body to recover from the strain it's been under the last couple of months. My "forced holiday" (as I call it) has clearly been a part of God's perfect plan for me. He knew what I needed before having this baby. I am so thankful I can so fully trust Him through this time.

Seven years ago I had a friend spend many months in hospital (her waters broke before 20 weeks). I clearly remember our conversation about not knowing who God had planned for her to meet during those months. And so I had the same view of my unknown-length hospital stay. Our Pastor calls them "Divine Appointments" and I enjoyed so many of them. I am so thankful to serve such a loving God, who is my Father and cares for me and every detail of my life. I am thankful that He is in control of all things and I really can trust fully in Him.

Rom 8:28 "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good, to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

Turn, cut and bang

Thursday 2nd: The first use of that was for me to lie on, to help baby turn out of her breech position. Hezekiah and Asher decided it also worked really well as a ramp for cars. It was lovely to see Asher so quickly join in with his game.
Asher had a seizure at 10:45am. I was late with giving her Hemp oil again today. It does make me wonder if she would have had a seizure if I had remembered. Time will tell.

Saturday 4th: Brendon finally got himself a decent weed eater. His previous one was regularly just deciding to stop, even if the work wasn't finished, and it caused endless frustration. He was so pleased today to be able to just keep working until he decided he was done for the day. Although he still had the ditch to do, he spent the afternoon helping me get things ready for Monday. The plan is to do an ECV (turn baby from breech to head down) and then induce labour while she is in the right position.

Rachel left early this afternoon to join the ambulance team for tonight's fireworks. So nice that she could get this opportunity.

At 5:15pm Asher had a seizure. Thankfully most of the seizures lately are only a minute long. She had a good 1/2 a minute of extra jerking afterwards today though, and it was so violent. Poor girl. I am glad we had decided to just stay home tonight.

Ruth went with a friend and left at around 6. Brendon then left with Hezekaih and Hannah at around 7. They met up with some friends there and it sounds like they had a great time. They have been saving up their poscket money and because it was their own money they spent, they had to think carefully about what they wanted.
Hezekiah specifically wanted hot chips. :-)

Hannah enjoyed a horse ride. Although Brendon felt one lap was probably not worth the cost. Fun memories for them all though.

Rachel took a few photos of the fireworks. They only started at around 10, so it was a very late night for them. I was glad I kept Asher home. I got to have an epson salt bath once she was asleep. Lately I have found that I need one every night, otherwise I just don't get much sleep at all.

Sunday 5th: Even though the big scraped area was so noticeable from her fall, you can see the huge bruise she has from the bump above that. The scrape is healing really quickly though and is looking so much better already.
Hannah took a photo this afternoon - the last "bump" photo before we get to meet this little girl.

Athletics, breech and a nasty bump

Friday 27th: It was nice to have Brendon join us at assembly today. Hezekiah's class had their faces painted like Tigers but he didn't want his face painted (or said he wasn't allowed - either way I understood his choice).
They sang "Eye of a Tiger" and it was a lot of fun watching him do the actions with such enthusiasm.
When I first spotted him I could see that he was very tired. I heard later that he didn't sleep much at the friend's house. He was too excited to get to bed early or to stay in bed very late in the morning. So I was pleased he found some energy for the song. :-)
The class also showed some of their artwork. They did self portraits. So perhaps that's why he had his mouth open for the photo. ;-)
At school today his first wiggly tooth came out. I had seen it was getting nice and loose this week and was pleased that it fell out while he was eating his apple for lunch and he didn't even notice. Hannah has struggled with so much pain with her wiggly teeth lately, so I was pleased it was an easy one for him.

Saturday 28th: This morning Rachel headed off to the Sampson's house to spend the afternoon there before a number of them head off to the Home School Formal this evening. I'll have to get some photos loaded at a later point.

I love this photo of Ruth making lunch with Asher on her back (trying to help).

At 2:30pm Asher had a 1 min TC.

With Aeleen helping a few times in the evening with getting Asher ready for bed, it's helped get the others ready a bit earlier too. So there has been more time available for evening bible stories. Ruth took on the role of reading this evening. :-)

Sunday 29th: Only when we left church did I realize that Hezekiah and I matched today. So it was a good excuse to get a photo when we got home. I haven't got many photos of my "bump" in this pregnancy. I am starting to outgrow most of my tops though. They are almost all looking just as stretched as this one. ;-)
Brendon and the middle three got stuck into this front area today. Ruth did a great job of trimming back the three funny bush things that grow very quickly (and can look really messy). Hezekiah had actually been asking when the rocks would be put back, but he ended up not being able to help too much with that. So he was the branch collector and Hannah and Ruth worked on the rocks. The trees were also getting a bit overgrown, so we decided to rather cut them back and keep them small enough to maintain ourselves.

Monday 30th: The kids had moved the rocks off the next section yesterday, and this afternoon Hannah decided to pull the long grass out of the section to make it look neater. I thought it was a good time to get a big picture of the final result of all their work. Rachel even helped by clearing the last of the branches today that didn't get finished up yesterday (she was only back at 7:30pm last night). She had another safe, long solo trip. So that was good. She is just rather frustrated with her phone as the GPS / Map does not work well at all. So she has to start looking at getting a good quality phone.

Last children photo with just these 5 - taken on Wed 1st.

Ruth's sprint in her blue tutu.

Tuesday 31st: I have loads of athletics photos from Wednesday, so I will just add captions on those and write about all the events of Tuesday (where there are no photos).After Champion Centre we headed to my midwife appointment again. Brendon met us there after his training and I was especially glad that he had this week.

Hannah's sprint. Giving it all she has this year.

My midwife was concerned that baby was breech. So Brendon was able to take Asher home and I headed back into town for a scan. Confirming that baby is indeed breech. Thankfully she is not in an "unstable lie" as that could have meant me heading straight to the hospital. It was all very emotional for me. If I got into labour with baby breech, I have to go straight to Christchurch Women's Hospital.

I just managed to get a photo of Ruth at discus.

It was hard to adjust my thinking, having pictured myself in labour at the Rangiora Health Hub, and now to think about labouring in a place I have never seen before. The emotions were all just very raw. We had been thinking of taking the children to the "Light Festival" in Amberley, and so I asked Brendon if he would take the children so that I could just get some time at home on my own. I needed space to let all this new information start to settle.


Hezekiah missed his first jump but thankfully I had
this photos so I could show him how far he was.

And I was honestly just exhausted from a very long day. Unfortunately no photos were taken. Hannah looked beautiful in a long green dress with her hair done up so beautifully. When I got home and saw her I thought immediately of "Princess Leah". She looked lovely. I was sorry to have not taken a photo straight away.
It was rather busy for Brendon as Asher just headed straight to the Jumping Castle when they arrived. Hezekiah had a fun time within the limits that Brendon set for him (so that he knew were to find him). Unfortunately Asher's jumping ended as it has the last few times she has been on a trampoline or jumping castle - with a seizure. Brendon said she had so much fun before though. So although we have been avoiding it for so long, he didn't regret allowing her to have all the fun she had. And it does confirm that it's still an issue for her. Thankfully it was short, but it also then cut short the evening for the rest of the children. Hannah had been waiting in a very long queue and so ended up not getting to do anything as they had to leave well before her turn.

He corrected so well and got nice
and close for the next jumps.

Wednesday 1st: Great to get the children photo taken this morning. Rachel happened to be wearing her blue top and so I specifically put a blue one on Asher. The children's school "house" is blue, so they are allowed to where their house colours for Athletics.

Great effort as the jumps got higher.
He ended up winning his group.

It was nice to get to chat to some of the mothers when I arrived at the athletics and we waited for the sprints to get started. I was still very emotional about the likely hospital birth and all the unknowns around it. So it was nice to chat to them and let some tears flow. At that point I thought it would be a good idea to organize to go and see the birthing units at the hospital, and even making that plan helped me to feel a little less fearful about this big unknown ahead.

It was hard to try and get to see everything the 3 were doing as the field events continued while the sprints were going on. So I missed Hezekiah's ball throw and Hannah's shot put. At least I got some photos of each of them.
Ruth did the 1,200m again this year. There was a nice group of girls with her this year. They all did so well and put so much effort into it.

Just minutes before I was going to leave to fetch Asher from preschool, I got a call saying she was having a seizure. They warned me that she had fallen and had a nasty bump and graze on her head. I'm glad they had warned me as it looked really nasty. It's hard to even capture on camera how banged up she was. She had been hot and bothered and kept running to the gate asking for me (for 1/2 an hour before home time). This last time she just went too fast and fell. She landed so hard and the bump caused the seizure. With Dravet Syndrome the children are often unstable on their legs. Asher is not too bad, but her OT and us as parents often wonder how she doesn't fall more often. She had a big swollen area on her temple with the big graze. I tried to take a photo from the front to show the swelling - but by this evening when I took the photo it was already looking so much better. Thankfully she had a ice pack on it for a few minutes straight after the fall - so I'm sure that helped.

Health hub, restricted and selections

Tuesday 10th: Some fun and games this morning.

They did actually managed to get all 4 of them up (I just didn't get the photo). I just loved how Asher went into the middle to be a part of the game too (even if she didn't have a clue what they were doing).

Asher playing "hide and go seek" with Ruth. She doesn't really get it yet, but it's a start.

She loves having the thing over her face and saying "Where she?" "I can't" "see you". She doesn't manage all those words in a go. She says them in pairs, normally waiting for the other person playing to say the same thing before she moves on. She gets Ruth to lie with the cloth over her head too, but doesn't understand hiding herself yet. She just enjoys pulling it off and seeing Ruth's fun faces.

Wednesday 11th: Thankfully no cancellations today and Brendon and I got to have a look around the Rangiora Health hub. It was nice for Brendon to get to meet my midwife and it was really good for me to see the set up. During my check up she asked me if I had a preference yet (over home or at the hub) and I could honestly say I was still sitting on the fence with no preference at all. That changed within half an hour.

Having a look at one of the birthing rooms helped me to actually visualise the labour for the first time. It helped me to really think about what it would be like at home. It helped me to realize that if I was at home, I would constantly have Asher in my mind. My thought had been that if I laboured through the night, I may as well just stay home. I realized though that I would be constantly thinking about the time and hoping baby arrives before Asher wakes. And even during the night I would be thinking about her and hoping she wasn't having a seizure (even checking her monitor myself to make sure she was ok).
So I climbed off the fence. I now know that the only way for me to really focus on the labour and birth - without distraction - will be to be at the hub. What a contrast to all the other births, where I could not imagine being anywhere but at home. In many ways it makes me feel like a first time Mum - having no idea of how to know when to make the call to head in. I feel at peace about it now though and have actually started feeling excited about the birth.

Brendon and I then enjoyed dinner out before heading home. A nice relaxing evening which I am really thankful for. A friend helped watch the younger children so that Rachel could focus on Asher. I'm thankful for them making it possible to just be out and be totally relaxed.
Above Right: Thursday 12th: Hezekiah making a "Secret Hideout" for his toys out of this box.
Asher had used her talking device to ask for bubbles, so Ruth obliged and had some fun with them outside.

Asher does so love bubbles but can't say it very clearly. It's the one thing she knows very clearly how to find on her speech app. :-)

Seizure summary (as there is space here):
Asher had another cluster of seizures again this week. Thankfully she had a weeks break, but then it was rather busy (all 1 min TC).
Thu 9:30pm. She was restless before, sitting up in bed. So Brendon was with her when it started.
Fri 11:30am and again at 5pm. She was again very restless before the 5pm one, so I had already put a nappy on her.
Sat 4:30pm.

Nana sent us all some tops. Thank you Nana.
And thanks Ruth for the fun time outside. This is another "new" game Ruth has started with Asher (piggy back rides). She doesn't hold on well, so Ruth has to be careful. It's fun to see this fun new activity though.

Ruth and Hannah earned a bit of extra pocket money and cleared the next section of the mound. They got it cleared and we got the next bit of underlay down. (It's taken a while to get the rocks back on - but at least the grass is being killed underneath it).

Friday 13th: An afternoon reading session. :-)
Rachel had gone for her restricted driving test on Wednesday and failed. It was very wet on the day and one of her "fatal errors" was that she was driving at 40 in a 50 zone. We felt she was most likely "driving according to weather conditions" but she took the disappointment well.

She has since heard of a lot of people failing on their first attempt (and often for silly things). So she didn't delay and booked to go again this morning. Thankfully she passed this time - which we were all very thankful for. She was especially glad as it meant she could drive herself to the selection camp this weekend. We were pleased we didn't have to take her on Friday and fetch her on Sunday. So it was very well timed.

Saturday 14th: Ruth decided she wanted to sit in this small box. So flexible with those very long legs.

Below: A fun game of shop. These three often play shop. Thankfully they are good at packing it all away at the end of the game.

Sunday 15th: Hezekiah learning to pack the dish washer. Ruth treating people to omelettes and scrambled eggs for dinner.
Rachel visited the Sampson's for a couple of hours before heading home after camp (the camp site is very close to their home). She was home by 7:30 and did well despite her phone being a useless GPS. She is saving up to buy a decent phone (looking out for when there are good specials on).
Note: She heard on Monday afternoon that she didn't make it into the National Squad (the camp was National Selection camp). I'm glad she tried again, as each selection camp is another opportunity to grow and learn. And it's good to have peace knowing that God knows what the next 6 months hold - and all the extra training weekends was not meant to be a part of that.

A-maze-n-golf

It's lovely to see Hannah enjoying reading. Thanks Ruth for introducing her to these books.


We had headed out so many times in the hopes of getting to the maze, that today Brendon headed out first (so we didn't go to all the effort of getting everyone ready first). And we were thrilled to get the call that they are open. So we all got ready and headed down.
BELOW: This was the view of the mountains just before we went in. So pretty.

With Asher having a Kiwiable card (explaining that she needs a support person), the owner was happy for Asher and I to go in without charge. We were especially grateful for this as unfortunately, just minutes after taking this photo, Asher had a seizure.
Brendon dropped us off at home and went back to finish the maze with the others. The owner was so kind, he said Asher and I could come back later. As Asher slept for quite a while we didn't bother taking her, but Hezekiah went back with me as they were so excited about how much fun it was. Thankfully they did also take a number of photos. This photo taken with a flash to see everyone's faces nicely.
And then without the flash to see how affective the lighting was. When I came back later with Hezekiah I got a fright in here as there were strips of rubber hanging in the walkway and Hezekiah had expected them. So he grabbed them and moved them out of his way as he walked. As I came behind him, he had let go and it fell into my face. I told him something had fallen on me, and so he showed me the next lot of rubber so that I could avoid them. :-)
Very effective skeletons in the dark area.
In the next normal maze area there are a lot of little air puffs as you walk past. It was fun talking as a family about what scared each of us. Even when we were expecting things. The girls had told me about the wall that starts falling down as you are next to it with the "look out" shouted.
And even though I was looking out for it, I still got a bit of a fright.
There is this challenge at the end. Hezekiah was too scared of doing it with them, so that was why he was the one that came back with me later. To overcome his fear and face the challenge. There is a walkway to the side, so it's easy to avoid. I was pleased that he had the courage to go with me though. By the time we got there the water pressure must have been different as the water was splashing onto the first blocks. So we had to wait off the side and make two big steps between the splashes. Thankfully the one was a bit slower than the other - so I pointed that out to Hezekiah and after a bit of hesitation he gave it a go (and we didn't get wet).

Everyone also got a card to collect clues through the maze. When you get to the end you present your card and receive your "reward" (a chocolate coin). Then we realized why the fence outside was covered in silver and gold. :-)

The maze was really a lot of fun and we are glad we finally got to enjoy it. The weather hasn't been great this week, so we were pleased we didn't miss out on this activity. Even if we couldn't get to do it together as a family.

We had a bit of a shake after lunch.  It's been a while since we've felt one. Hannah got a bit stressed again, but thankfully quickly relaxed. I'm glad it was during the day and not just as she was going to bed. With the rain and wind that we have had through the week I often wondered at night if it was wind or an earthquake that was making the house squeak. So this shake confirmed how different it is.

Brendon said he would stay at home with Asher and allow her to just rest while I took the children back to play the round of mini golf (we paid for a combo with the maze and golf).
A nice shot of Hezekiah. That building behind him is a part of one of the holes.

And Hannah with some of the mountains behind.
I asked Rachel to get a photo of me (just to prove I was there) and I got a hole in one. :-)
Rachel ended up not being in any of the photos from the previous day of mini golf, so it was good to get a shot of her today.

Coming to the last few hole (with the maze just behind).

I wanted to get a photo with some of the water feature in. It is a really creative course.

The last person on the last hole, I asked Rachel to take another photo - and I got a hole in one again. I should have asked her to take more photos of me though the game. :-)



We had a fun time and were really grateful for the dry afternoon.

At first I had suggested we only score at a max of 5. At the 9th hole the girls decided to rather make it a max of 6.
Hezekiah was happy with every score he got. Ruth did well today and beat both Hannah and Rachel. I was glad I managed to do well. It's been so many years since I have played. It would have been nice to have a competition between Brendon and I, but it wasn't meant to be. :-)
Ruth took a photo of my "bump". I don't think I've had one yet, and I'm already 31 weeks. Just over 2 months to go now.

Hezekiah was in a funny mood this afternoon and had fun just playing around on Dad's shoulders.