Friday, December 20, 2013

From my heart: An "episode" and so much learnt

This morning Ruth and I were playing with Asher on my bed. At first I was pulling her back as she crawled away as we have often done with her and she was laughing and playing so nicely. I actually found myself thinking "at least this is a way for her to have fun play without her head getting bumped as the bed is so soft". I then rolled her around the way Hezekiah used to do so much when he was a baby and she laughed with enjoyment. When she stopped laughing I looked at her and noticed that her eyes had pulled off to the left - often the first thing that happens when she has one of her small "episodes". She twists her whole body in that direction (as you can see in this photo Rachel took). Rachel had come in and we all tried to get her to look at us.

Within the first minute or two I gave her some of her primary homoeopathic remedy that I have in a lower concentration in liquid to use during an episode or seizure (just 2 or 3 drops is a dose - so again - not putting anything into her mouth that she could choke on). It seemed to help as the pulling to the side eased up. She got a dose almost every minute or so for the first 5 minutes and it did seem to help lessen the severity of the episode. She went from pulling so much to the side to having her head forward and then actually moving her head to look at us. Rachel got behind me and played "peek-a-boo" to my left and we were thrilled to see Asher turn her head to her right and look at Rachel. There was no smile or sparkle in her eyes the way she would normally react - but we saw the improvement and were thankful. It lasted around 15 minutes and then she was just exhausted, being due for her morning nap anyway. So she had a good sleep in her cot and then I had a good cry.

It's strange that these episodes seem almost more traumatic for me than a grand mal seizure. Although the fact that I felt I had caused it was also a factor. I chatted to Christine later in the day (our homoeopath) and she specifically spent time talking to me about this side of things. She knows me so well and could be honest with me and tell me that I should not feel that I caused this. She reminded me that I was doing a GOOD thing by playing with Asher and I must not be fearful and so stop playing with her or start treating her differently. She sees so many parents who don't play with their children and others who treat a child differently because of wanting to "protect" them and this ends up causing more damage than good.

I was again so blessed by Christine's kindness, honesty and advice. She was a catalyst in helping me to learn so much through this experience. On a physical level I had to learn that I can not always protect my children from pain or suffering. I also need to be careful of not wanting to try and make like "safe" for them so that they won't get hurt. I learnt that sometimes we have to allow things that may potentially have a negative outcome in order for them to enjoy life to it's fullest and to really learn. On the physical side Christine put it well. We can't stop her from ever bumping her head again (that is just part of growing up and being a child). But we can help her body to learn how to deal with the bumps.

These lessons have made me think of these things on a deeper level too. Emotionally I can not protect my children from ever experiencing pain and heart ache. I can't try and keep them "safe" from suffering the hurts and trials that come with life. I must also not try and always protect them from the consequences of their actions and decisions as this is how they will have opportunities to learn and grow.

I have a very dear friend who is struggling with this very issue. When a child you love with all of your life makes choices that you know are going to cause them pain and heartache - all you want to do is protect them and keep them from that potential pain and suffering. We as parents do however need to learn to let go and allow them to learn. At each age these things will be different and the older the children get the more negative potential is out there and the more scary it gets for us as parents to let go. We have to though. We have to allow them to make those decisions and to live their lives.

May God grant us all the wisdom to know when to give our children that extra space. May He help us to trust in Him when we see our children making bad choices. May we keep praying and asking God to direct each one of our children - that they may know Him as their personal saviour and then walk in a way that is pleasing to Him.

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